


When It Ends

by sinnyx



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Break Up, Flashbacks, M/M, Post-Break Up, Same-Sex Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27739414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinnyx/pseuds/sinnyx
Summary: When we believe so strongly in the love we share, we would want to share it for a lifetime. When it ends, what's left?A KenHina fanfic where five years after their breakup, Kenma receives a wedding invitation from Shoyo. But when he opened the envelope, he saw 12 polaroid photos. One for each month they spent together.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	When It Ends

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know what to feel about this. This is my first fic here so please be nice hehe. Enjoy!

At first glance, you would think that Kozume Kenma was the type who couldn’t care less about the various tropes of love and whatnot. Always indifferent and seemingly emotionally detached. But behind such a nonchalant exterior was a romantic. And it was that quality of his that allowed his heart to break, and for his eyes to shed tears in response to the pain of giving away the only person he has ever come to love. 

—

The way Kenma stretched his arms was dangerous, a disturbing pop as his bones realigned resonated throughout the room he used as some kind of studio for his streams.  
He had just finished a 12-hour stream and somehow, it still felt surreal to him. The sheer number of viewers, the paycheck he receives through it, and just the experience in itself. Kenma could still remember, clear as day, how he started. How he balanced his studies with his passion of playing games as his viewership barely hit double digits. He could still remember everything as if it had just happened yesterday.  
About how he would sulk in one corner of his room after a failed stream. About how he would always have self-doubts whenever he decides to start again. About how stressed he gets after every decision he makes regarding the things he desires to do.  
And how there was always one person who got him through every single situation.

Hinata Shoyo was his rock, his anchor, Shoyo knew which buttons to press and which ones to avoid. He knew the words to say and the words to never speak of. He knew Kenma, his entirety, like the back of his hand. And he never failed to make Kenma feel alright again. Suddenly, he was ready to fight and face the harsh, cruel, reality of the world once more with newfound strength and unparalleled courage.

But Hinata Shoyo was a part of his life from five years ago. Although then again, to Kenma, it had only felt like yesterday.

He was ready to sleep just to try and maybe alleviate the reminiscing, because admittedly, thinking of Shoyo never does him any good now. All it ever does is make Kenma’s mind overflow with thoughts of what ifs, what could have beens, and what he could have done. And he despises how even after five long years, Shoyo was still the single name his heart and mind yelled for. 

His attempt at falling asleep, however, was interrupted by the sound of a notification from his phone. A picture was sent attached to a message from one of his friends, Kuroo Tetsurou. 

Kenma debated whether to open the inconspicuous message now or just leave it for tomorrow. Against, his better judgements, Kenma clicked on it.  
And the contents of the message immediately shattered and broke him more than he had ever shattered and broken before.

It was a wedding invitation.  
For Hinata Shoyo and Kageyama Tobio’s wedding.

-

Kuroo Tetsurou was the only other person that Kenma can put 100% of his confidence on, Hinata Shoyo being the only other one. At least before they went their separate ways.  
Kuroo had known Kenma longer than anyone, they had been walking through life together ever since the first step they took as a child. Anyone would believe that it made sense if they had started dating. Two people who knew each other the most out of everyone, sounded like a perfect match. But both of them knew that they were even more perfect as friends. And besides, Kuroo had found his soulmate in Tsukishima Kei.  
Which is why, even after he had already sent a photo of the wedding invitation, Kuroo still hesitated to hand over the small, pristine white envelope that Shoyo gave him specifically for Kenma.  
Kuroo knew how much more it would break his best friend. That the moment he holds it in his own hands, Kenma would have to come to terms that this is reality. Hinata Shoyo, the only man who’s ever managed to capture him wholeheartedly, will no longer ever become his.

“Stop the pitiful stare and give it to me.”

Kenma didn’t like how worried Kuroo was. Although he couldn't blame him. But the over-the-top pity that he was receiving wasn’t making him feel any better. If he will have to ever get over this, he needs to feel that the people around him believes that he can.

“I think there’s something special about this. Shoyo did reiterate it over and over not to mix it up with the other envelopes.” Kuroo muttered as he hesitantly handed over the envelope to Kenma who couldn’t hide the shakiness of his hands.

“I don’t know if that’s supposed to make me feel any better, Tetsurou.” Kenma sighed in frustration as he clasped the enveloped gently in his hands despite the clear animosity he is feeling for its contents.

“Will you be okay? I can stay longer if you want.” Kuroo offered as soon as he noticed the pained expression that Kenma wore, which would have been unnoticeable otherwise if Kuroo didn’t know him so well.

“I’m not a baby. Besides, you have Tsukishima who’s surely waiting for you.”

Kuroo was undoubtedly eager to go back to the love of his life, but Kenma still meant enough for him to hesitate and reconsider. Although in the end, he also knew that Kenma always wanted being alone the best when it comes to dealing with his stuff. Kuroo never failed to offer company though.

“Just promise you’ll call if you ever need me.”

“Yeah. Promise.”

-

Obviously, dealing with all this wasn’t as easy as Kenma thought and gave himself credit for. Especially now that he has opened the envelope and found out that apart from the invitation, 12 polaroid photos were inside.

One for each month he and Shoyo spent together.

And in the span of a short, painful minute, Kenma felt like he went through a years worth of journey as he went through each one of the photos.

**__**

1st Photo, 1st Month

**__**

There was an awkward distance between Shoyo and Kenma as they stood side by side for the photo. Kenma could remember that it was Kuroo who took this one for them. And the idea of taking a polaroid photo came from Shoyo himself. A much bigger romantic than Kenma.  
It was just the start of their journey as a couple. Which was why they still had some kind of reservations, resulting to the awkward distance. But despite the space between them, they connected through their eyes that stared at each other’s with undeniable admiration.

Kenma wouldn’t call that day the best day out of all the days they’ve spent together. But it was most certainly a very precious one.  
Kenma, even with his good enough of a memory, always managed to remember things even more clearly if it so much as involved the tiniest bit about Shoyo. He remembers their first monthsary so well. The things they did, the food they ate, the places they went to.  
He could remember how nervous he was. How scared he was. It was the first time he was doing something like a this as Hinata Shoyo was his first serious relationship. He could remember asking Kuroo for advice on what to wear, against his better judgements. In the end, he opted for a hoodie and jeans as how he always did it, thinking that there wouldn’t be any merit in pretending to be someone he clearly wasn’t.  
He could also remember how relieved he was to know that Shoyo was in the same boat. Almost going with Tsukishima’s wayward advices. But apparently, he had the same trail of thought as Kenma.

Kenma could also remember how hesitant he was to hold Shoyo’s hand. While Shoyo shyly chuckled and offered it himself. Kenma remembers the feeling of butterflies in his belly as he reached out to hold Shoyo’s hand. And the involuntary smile that graced his usually indifferent features. It was a whole new world for Kenma. 

And he was sure that he was already way too deep into love then.

**__**

2nd Photo, 2nd Month

**__**

The second picture showed Shoyo smiling a bit too near the camera while Kenma stood back, watching Shoyo from behind with a soft smile while billions of stars sparkled behind them like a grateful witness to their love.

Kenma remembers that it was Shoyo who planned this date. The latter insisting that he wanted to do something special for both of them. They went on a long drive along the mountains, busting cheesy R&B and pop songs about love that Kenma wouldn’t normally consider listening to. But seeing the wide grin on Shoyo’s face as he sang along so earnestly made Kenma grateful that said songs had existed. Thanks to them, he was able to witness such a scenery. 

At the end of their long journey on the road, Shoyo made them stop at a park high above the city. Kenma only watched him, not bothering to conceal the warmth in his eyes, as Shoyo pulled out his guitar from the backseat. Kenma would never forget how he almost cried when Shoyo ushered him to sit behind the car before serenading him under the moonlight.  
The feeling he felt back then was surreal. Shoyo’s voice wasn’t phenomenal or anything, but to Kenma, it sounded exactly like how the angels would sing. To Kenma, there was no greater euphoria than having the love of his life in front of him, where he could touch him, where he could see him, where he could hear him, where he could kiss him, where he could love him.  
It was then that Kenma, despite not wanting to interrupt Shoyo’s singing, pulled him in to close the distance between their lips.

**__**

3rd Photo, 3rd Month

**__**

This time, it was Kenma who was way too close to the camera, eyes squinted in an attempt to understand their angles while Shoyo was being him laughing.

Kenma knows exactly where this was taken. It was at Shoyo’s house.

How could he possibly forget the first time he met Shoyo’s family as his lover? He couldn’t possibly forget the warm welcome. The lighthearted teasing. The silly moment of going through Shoyo’s baby pictures. In an instant, Kenma had gained a second family. In an instant, Kenma was now a part of every world Shoyo lives in.  
He wouldn’t forget even if he wanted to. How much they grew into him, how much he came to treasure them, how much he wanted to forever be part of it.

But in a few more days, someone else would be doing that for him.

**__**

4th Photo, 4th Month

**__**

Kenma wasn’t too fond of this one. Seeing how Shoyo was turned away from him while he himself wore a pout while looking the other way made him recall how they had fought that day. Although it wasn’t a big argument, he still felt displeased every time he remembers how they had fought on the exact day of their 4th month together. And as it wasn’t a pleasant memory, Kenma couldn't recall exactly what they had fought about.

But you bet he would remember exactly how they made up.

Shoyo was the first to apologize. Kenma remembers how Shoyo smoothly slid his hand across the table to place it atop Kenma’s. When Kenma looked up, Shoyo was looking at him with scrunched up brows and teary eyes. Kenma’s heart broke at the sight but even then, he didn’t speak and only waited until Shoyo had said his piece.  
But after that, Kenma proceeded to hold both of Shoyo’s hands in his, before looking directly into his eyes and telling him that they were okay.

“Don’t cry love.” He said.

“You can never hurt me. You can only ever make me feel loved.”

**__**

5th Photo, 5th Month

**__**

This one was a bit relaxed. Taken outside of a random coffee shop where they stood, holding hands and smiling warmly at the camera. 

It was fall season. That time of the year when there’s just the right amount of warmth and cold. So they opted out of celebrating lavishly, or doing something incredibly adventurous. Instead, they decided to ride a bicycle around the city. Pausing to walk hand in hand every time they wish to dwell on the scenery a bit longer. 

In contrast to the laid back setting, their hearts and minds were in a pleasant turmoil. It has been a while since they’ve been like this. Since they’ve taken life at their own pace. Since they’ve taken the world into their own hands. Since they’ve been able to just look at each other and let themselves drown in the moment. Since they’ve been able to calmly take a step together into nothing less but the future, even just by the second.

This was their chance. To take each other in like a breath of fresh air smack in the middle of all the pressure life will never fail to throw.

“Has your hands always been this soft?” Shoyo asked.

“Has your eyes always been this mesmerizing?” Kenma asked in return.

“Yeah, I believe so.” Kenma adds.

**__**

6th Photo, 6th Month

**__**

Kenma breaks into a small smile as he looked at the sixth photo. And almost immediately, he scolds himself at the small blunder. There he was, playfully rolling his eyes as he held his Nintendo Switch, while Shoyo was behind him, the latter’s hands wrapped around Kenma. Shoyo wore a big smile as he pressed his chin on the crook of Kenma’s neck, determined to disturb his gaming.  
If it was anyone else, Kenma would have snapped. But with Shoyo, on God, there was no other feeling more pleasant than having Shoyo around him. Like a blanket that never failed to make him feel safe.

Kenma remembers that this was taken inside his room. When it was finally Shoyo’s turn to meet Kenma’s family. And much like how it went for Kenma, Shoyo instantly became a part of his family. A part of all of his worlds.

And then again, Kenma wished that it would forever be that way. That one day, they would be sharing more than just their dreams, their love, their fears. Maybe surnames. Maybe a home.

But, then again, someone else would be doing that for him now.

**__**

7th Photo, 7th Month

**__**

Kenma didn’t even bother hiding his laugh when he saw the next photo. There he was, landing a small, quick kiss on Hinata’s lips. And behind them were Kuroo and Tsukishima who were looking at them with disgust as if they didn’t do the same after.

This wasn’t taken exactly at the day of their 7th month since they decided to humor Kuroo's desire for a double date on his and Kei’s own monthsary. But they didn’t fail to enjoy that day. They hopped from one carnival to another. Going through arcades where Kenma decided to wreak havoc every time he breaks a high score on one of the games. 

By the time night came, they were so tired that they decided to stop by a McDonald’s only to sit down. But a service crew warned them that they needed to leave if they wouldn’t be ordering anything. Kei begrudgingly ordered four sundaes for all of them. And Kuroo, being the absolute flirt that he was, started making ice cream related innuendos. And Shoyo, being this somewhat oblivious person that he was at that moment somehow managed to perform the most cliched scenario of leaving a puff of cream on his top lip.  
And then there was Kenma, the secret tease, who decided to give Kuroo a taste of his own medicine.

The kiss happened right there and then. And despite the sounds of cringe that Kuroo and Kei so graciously let out, the only thing Kenma ever heard back then was Shoyo’s soft giggle.

**__**

8th Photo, 8th Month

**__**

At this point, Kenma gave up on holding his feelings in. He let himself smile at the sight of Shoyo crying happy tears while Kenma hugged him from behind. They were at a concert. The concert of one of Shoyo’s most favorite singers. Add the fact that it was almost Christmas when Kenma decided to let Shoyo finally know that they were going to said concert.

Kenma remembers. He remembers all too well that the only things he ever really saw then were the sparkles in Shoyo’s eyes that somehow managed to shine brighter than the lights of the stadium and the stars above them. He remembers how the only music he heard back then was Shoyo’s passionate voice singing along, as well as his gleeful sobs and soft giggles and excited laughters. 

Everything back then was Shoyo. It was all Shoyo. 

Kenma couldn’t care less for the expensive ticket he paid for. He didn’t mind wasting it by paying not a single attention to the artist/s singing. He would do it again if he could.

Because the only art he ever wanted was Shoyo anyway.

And that night, that art was beautiful.

**__**

9th Photo, 9th Month

**__**

Kenma lets out a soft sigh at the next photo. Shoyo was clinging on to him with teary eyes as he struggled to balance himself. They were at a skating rink. Somewhere Kenma was curious of and decided that it would be a great date idea. Only, he failed to consider that Shoyo didn’t know how to skate. Well, neither did he, but somehow Kenma had managed to maintain perfect balance despite never having tried it before. Shoyo, fortunately, happened to be a fast learner. So minutes in, and they were holding each other’s hands, gliding smoothly across the rink.

Kenma remembers so painfully how beautiful the moments they shared back then was. Shoyo would slip from time to time and he would drag Kenma with him since they held hands. But they would proceed to laugh at what happened and get back up as if everything was perfectly fine. They would stare into each other’s eyes during the rare moments that they manage to actually skate facing each other.

And Kenma could swear, Shoyo was nothing short of an angel with his warm smiles and melodic laughter. Kenma thought ages ago that it was a cheesy thought, but the world did slow down for them. For him. Every time he lets himself drown into the ocean called Hinata Shoyo, everything was muted except him. Everything was still except him. And while everything else was in grayscale, Shoyo was the damn rainbow.

“Don’t let go of my hand.” Kenma mumbles as Shoyo smiles.

“I won’t.”

**__**

10th Photo, 10th Month

**__**

It wasn’t a susprise, but as the tenth photo came, Kenma suddenly couldn’t smile anymore. Despite how happy they looked in the photo. How Shoyo leaned on Kenma as they sat on the ground, the stars once again serving as their audience right behind them. Kenma finally realizes that what he’s looking at are memories from 5 years ago. Not yesterday. Not last week. Not last month. Five years ago.

Still, how could Kenma forget this? The way he went out of his comfort zone to learn a song on the guitar and to sing despite his absolute non-confidence towards his singing voice. The time when Shoyo did this for him was too special that he felt like he needed to do the same for him. 

So under the stars. Under the moon. Under all the angels hiding behind the night sky. Kenma sang for Shoyo. He held Shoyo’s hands when he could, as if it was a dandelion. As if one wrong blow of the wind would make it disappear. He gazed firmly at Shoyo;s eyes as if he was looking at an entire galaxy. Determined to discover all of its secrets. 

He wanted, so damn desperately, to make it known to Shoyo how much he loved him. How much Kenma wanted Shoyo’s forever.

“Best believe, Shoyo, I will talk to the moon about you. And tease the stars about how your shine is brighter than theirs. You’re the sun itself to me Shoyo. Would you please keep lighting up my world?”

Kenma has his answers now.

**__**

11th Photo, 11th Month

**__**

Kenma almost didn’t want to keep looking through the photos. He had counted 11. This would be the last one before the end. And this in itself, wasn’t that pleasing to look at.

There it was again. That awkward distance between the two of them. Shoyo looked at the camera with a bright smile and a peace hand sign. And Kenma was looking right at the camera too, with a small smile. But they both know that under the smiles were a subtle coldness that they failed to feel from each other back then. That inside the short distance between them, there was a longer distance developing.

Kenma didn’t notice it then. But he sure does notice now. That there was a reason why Shoyo pulled his hand back ever so slightly when Kenma slid his own across the table to hold the former’s. He might have been to ignorant back then to give the action a negative connotation.

But he should have noticed. He should have noticed that there was a reason why Shoyo ate his food quickly without sparing Kenma a glance during the meal. He should have noticed that Shoyo wasn’t laughing awkwardly at his romantic antics for no reason. 

But Kenma, back then, believed way too much that they were still in love the same way they always had been.

He should have noticed that they no longer were.

**__**

12 Photo, 12th Month

**__**

Kenma should also have known better than to even consider looking at the last photo. Because he already knew that what he would see was his own broken down figure. With no Shoyo beside him.

He really wanted to. Kenma wanted to stop himself from even feeling this sting in his heart. He also wanted to stop the impending tears in his eyes. He wanted so badly to not recall any of this pain. The pain that he still feels as if it happened just seconds ago.

Like all the bad memories, Kenma couldn’t recall exactly what they had argued about. But unlike the others, this was a big one. One that didn’t let them mend their love anymore. 

And though he might not remember what caused it. He remembers Shoyo crying clearly. He remembers Shoyo running out of his room in tears. He remembers breaking down and comically taking a polaroid photo of himself. The one he now holds in his hands. 

He remembers pulling his legs into his body to recall all the promises they made to each other. Trying to comfort himself and trick his mind into believing that maybe the next day, it would all be okay. That maybe after that night, they could talk about what had happened and carry on with their love.

But instead, what happened the next day was even more shouting, even more arguing, even more pain inflicted on each other. 

And eventually, their great love died and the knives were at their own hands.

“Kenma?”

Kenma didn’t want to dial Kuroo’s number. But he did make a promise earlier. So although he took his time, Kema spoke.

“How does it stop hurting?” Kenma mumbles, his back resting at the foot of his bed as he looked straight at the ceiling in an attempt to discourage his tears.

“It doesn’t,” 

Kenma was about to grumble in frustration at Kuroo’s answer. But the latter had more to say.

“If you keep looking for ways to stop it.” Kuroo adds with a soft scoff.

“Huh?”

“It all lies with time, Kenma. Let time do its thing. You cannot force a wound to heal even after getting stitches. Same way, you cannot unlove someone just because he’s no longer yours.”

Kenma bites his lower lip. There no longer was any stopping the tears. He still loves Shoyo. Even after five long years. Even after knowing that Shoyo will now be eternally happy with someone else. He couldn’t.

He couldn’t unlove Shoyo.

“What. . .should I do, Tetsurou?” Kenma whimpers, still desperate to hold back his cries.

“Just cry. No one can see you anyway. Just let it out, Kenma. Just cry now. Maybe cry again tomorrow. But once you can no longer cry, pick yourself up. Cry now. But don’t cry forever.”

—

Kenma didn’t know what kind of demon possessed him which enabled him to attend this accursed wedding.

But Kuroo and Kei was here. He kept trying to repeat that to himself as if it would help his nerves, and the aching pain in his chest.

“You should see him before the ceremony.” Kuroo says, making Kenma wonder why the hell his best friend thought that was a good idea.

But he was even more of a fool for actually doing it.

“Come in.”

Kenma’s breath hitched in his throat as he hears Shoyo call out from behind the white double doors. It was the first time he would hear it in person after five long years. The voice that once sang to him, called his name, would, in a few moments, belong to someone else for all eternity.

“Come in?” Shoyo repeats.

And now Kenma’s knees buckled in anxiety. Should he go in? Why was he even here? What the hell did he try to achieve by being here?

But before he could run away, there Shoyo was. Suited up so elegantly, cleaned up oh so neatly in white as he opened the door.

“Kenma. . .” Shoyo whispered.

“Shoyo.” Kenma greets with held back emotion. Trying not to appear too anxious.

“Come in.”

—

It was no surpise, but there was an awkward silence that loomed inside Shoyo’s waiting room.

Kenma took the chance to take in what he was seeing in front of him. 

Shoyo was different.

His shoulders are broader. His chest seemed more defined. He was taller. His hair is cut shorter than it had ever been before. His facial features are sharper.

More than that, Shoyo was different, because Shoyo is no longer his.

“Why did you send me those?” Kenma decides to finally break the silence.

But what followed after was even more silmce. Although it was brief as Shoyo decided to answer.

“Do you remember when we broke up?” Shoyo questions.

“Yeah. You cursed at me more than you ever did during the whole year we were together.”

Shoyo laughs subtly at Kenma’s answer.

“Yeah. But do you remember the exact words I said?”

Kenma hesitates before answering.

“Thank you for wasting a year of my life.”

“And that I was never happy.”

“Yeah.” Kenma remarks, ignoring the sharp pain that stung at his chest.

Shoyo breathes in deep before speaking once more.

“A month before the wedding, I was cleaning up my apartment. Getting ready to move in with Tobio. Then I saw those.”

“Uh huh.”

“Then I realized. I was happy Kenma.” Shoyo chuckles, taking Kenma aback whose eyes widened, staring at Shoyo expectantly.

“And I wanted to show that to you. Because I’m thankful for you.” Shoyo continues.

“For what?”

Kenma raised a brow when Shoyo only smiled at him. The latter the proceeded to walk towards the vanity, pulling something out from the drawer before walking towards Kenma with whatever he has on his hand.

“It’s because you made me happy during that one year that I didn’t lose faith in love. It was because of you that even after we hurt each other, I would recall how little of a percentage that argument was compared to how much happiness you’ve caused me. It’s thanks to that that I could still believe in love, Kenma.” Shoyo explains with a warm smile before handing something to Kenma.

Kenma, very hesitantly reaches out to accept whatever he has being given.

It was a polaroid photo.

Of Shoyo, in his room, alone and broken down but still trying to smile at the camera.

“I took that the same night I walked out on you. I didn’t know you did the same thing.” Shoyo comments.

“Why are you showing me this?” Kenma questions sharply. He was trying so hard to stop the bubbling feelings inside of him. He was trying to stop the turmoil that he knows would leave him undone in front of the man he still loves oh so much. Kenma didn’t want that.

But Shoyo was making it hard for him. Shoyo—Shoyo is a feet away from him. Shoyo is, right now, in front of him, where he could touch him, where he could see him, where he could hear him. But Shoyo isn’t somewhere Kenma could kiss. Shoyo will never be somewhere Kenma could love anymore.

“To remind you.” Shoyo mumbles.

“That the love we had was great. It ended. But it was great. It was beautiful.” Shoyo scoffs, looking away while Kenma didn’t want to believe that those were tears in Shoyo’s eyes.

Shoyo looks back at Kenma again. This time, with the same old bright smile that Kenma always believed was brighter than the sun.

“And it was real.”

—

The bells are ringing. The choir is singing. There are tears of joy. There was gleeful laughter. This was the beginning of a lifetime. 

For Shoyo, it was a lifetime with Tobio. A lifetime with someone he could love so beautifully thanks to the love he was given prior.

To Kenma, this was the end of a lifetime he could have had. A lifetime he yearned for so badly. A lifetime he thought would be his.

But there was nothing left to this lifetime he wanted.

There was nothing left but goodbye.

****

END.

****

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. Please feel free to leave any comment. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!


End file.
